Why You Can’t Stop Worrying and How to Find Relief

Up all night worrying, drowning in “what ifs”? Learn why and how to stop.

Research from worry experts Dr. Brokovec and colleagues reveals that you could be using worry as a coping behavior to avoid feeling intense emotions in uncertain situations.

Mindfulness techniques, such as accepting uncertainty and “sitting with” the much-dreaded emotions of fear and helplessness, show promise in reducing worry.

When my husband ran up the road to the grocery store, I worried that a drunk driver would kill him. I wondered how I would live without him, losing myself in all the minute details of finding a job and a day care center, and cashing in the life insurance policy. Was there a life insurance policy?

Elizabeth Broadbent depicts excessive worrying and its irrationality in her powerful piece on anxiety. Chronic worriers juggle a lineup of anxiety hits, such as health, family, money, and personal safety¹.

Researchers define worry as “a chain of repetitive and uncontrollable thoughts about possible future negative events”².

While occasional worry can be a motivator for proactive behavior, such as preparing for job interviews and scheduling annual health screenings, chronic, excessive worry can interfere with your life and cause headaches, lowered immunity, muscle tension, and digestive problems³.

So why can’t you stop worrying?

Persistent worry may not go away with simply telling yourself, “don’t worry.”

Using worry to cope with negative emotions

Decades of worry research suggests that excessive worrying is a coping behavior to avoid feeling intense negative emotions⁴ ⁵ in uncertain situations. Many chronic worriers resist the emotions of fear and helplessness in the face of their most-feared events.

Intolerance to uncertainty

An intolerance to uncertainty⁶ leads chronic worriers to worry instead — shifting their focus from “feeling” to “thinking.” Although this cognitive avoidance via “thinking” reduces negative feelings, it reinforces the value of worrying, forming a vicious cycle of anxiety.

How can you stop worrying?

Mindfulness research shows that being more accepting of your emotions in response to uncertain situations and practicing being fully present can reduce worry⁸.

Psychologist Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., explains that acceptance includes recognizing that difficult emotions are an inescapable part of life.

When these emotions inevitably do arise, there are two ways that we can react: resistance or acceptance.

While resistance is a default reaction for many, trying to resist or avoid certain difficult experiences can cause further psychological harm,” writes Dr. Davis⁹.

So if you’re worrying about an unfortunate event occurring, try to –

1. Accept uncertainty

Accept not knowing what will happen, whether it will happen, and when it will happen. Prove to yourself that you can handle uncertainty. After all, controlling anything beyond your own thoughts and actions is an illusion¹¹. The more you practice, the more confident you will become in your ability to navigate uncertainty, thereby reducing worry.

2. Practice surfing through negative emotions

“Sit with” and embrace the strong emotions that you are feeling, as they are a part of the human experience. Simply labeling the negative emotion you are feeling (ex. “I‘m feeling anxious.”) is shown to reduce its intensity¹¹.

3. Practice meditation.

Meditation can help you cultivate the habit of staying in the current moment while resisting uncontrollable rumination about the past and worries about the future¹². Check out these free guided meditations by Tara Brach, Ph.D, author of Radical Acceptance.